Most adults are considered allosexual—meaning they experience sexual attraction to others, whether that’s heterosexual, homosexual, bisexual, pansexual, or any other orientation under the umbrella of sexual diversity.
On the far opposite side of the spectrum, about 1% of people identify as asexual, experiencing no sexual attraction or desire at all. But human sexuality has never been a simple black-and-white picture—it’s a spectrum with many shades in between.
Somewhere in the middle lies graysexuality (sometimes spelled greysexuality), a term for those who experience sexual attraction only rarely, in specific circumstances, or so mildly that it doesn’t lead to a desire for sexual activity.
Graysexuality falls within the broader asexual spectrum, which also includes asexuality itself and demisexuality—the latter referring to people who only feel sexual attraction after forming a close emotional bond. (Pop culture has even brought more visibility to these terms; for instance, last year, N-Dubz singer Tulisa shared that she identifies as demisexual, explaining that emotional connection is a prerequisite for her attraction.)
Yet despite growing awareness, graysexuality remains widely misunderstood. Many graysexual people say they’ve faced stigma, disbelief, or confusion from those who struggle to grasp a concept that doesn’t fit neatly into traditional ideas of sexual desire. That’s why online spaces, such as the steadily growing r/greysexuality subreddit, have become important hubs where people share stories, compare experiences, and find a sense of community without judgment.
Recently, one Reddit user started a thread asking others when they first realized they were graysexual. The responses revealed a striking common theme: for many, the “lightbulb moment” came during adolescence, but it often took years—and sometimes decades—to fully understand.
“I had crushes, but they were very few and far between, like decades apart,” wrote the original poster. “I’ve felt true sexual attraction maybe once in my life. When I see someone attractive, I don’t think, ‘I’d hit that’—I just want to be near them. When my first boyfriend tried touching me sexually, I hated it. I told him never to do it again.”
Others shared similar experiences, often tied to feeling out of sync with peers during formative years. One person recalled being a teenager and feeling alienated by the way friends spoke about sex:
“I was constantly ridiculed and pressured into doing things I didn’t want to do. Then I discovered the term ‘asexuality’ on YouTube, started reading more, and eventually came across graysexuality. The label just felt right—it explained everything without making me feel broken.”
Some didn’t realize until they began dating. One user admitted they had misunderstood what attraction meant entirely:
“I thought being attracted to someone meant thinking they were ‘kind of likeable.’ But when it came to touching and kissing, I hated it. I just never connected those feelings with sexual desire.”
Others described fluctuating patterns of interest:
“I had so little interest in sex that I thought I was fully ace for a while. But maybe once every couple of months, something would ‘switch on,’ and only then would I want sex or even think about it. I like the vagueness of calling myself grey—it’s a broad way to describe something so weird and specific.”
For many, learning the term was a turning point—not because it put them in a box, but because it gave them the language to articulate something they had struggled to explain for years.
Finding a label didn’t mean conforming to rigid boundaries—it meant self-recognition. It meant realizing there was nothing “wrong” with them, that their experience was valid, shared, and part of the complex spectrum of human sexuality.
